quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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