you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
