Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize