I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
