your parents love me but you hate me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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