I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
