first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
