I'm so fucking centered right now
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
