my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
