it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I understand Curling. That high.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
