i don't like sucking hair
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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