he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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