So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
