Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
