Swine flu. Run for my life!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
