I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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