This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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