I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize