it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
