this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
