Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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