there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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