I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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