i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
