and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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