i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
