yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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