i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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