I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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