I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
