if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
