i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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