And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
