it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
