I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
