I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Pappa wants mamma naked
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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