nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
