Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
