..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
