Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
