You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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