Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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