I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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