I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize