I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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