UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
