Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
