Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
