i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize