dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
