hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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