please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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