why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just want nice things and good sex
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
