Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My liver just had a heart attack.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
