There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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