my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
