If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Quick, to the slutcave!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
