all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
