He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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