If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
