If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
