he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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