Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
