she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
