I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
