you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He better not be in your backpack
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
