It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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