Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
