it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
