I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
